Ovinnik the Cat God

By Ryan Matejka

Written: 2016
Words: 286
Genre: Comedy

Based on the writing prompt: You've started to realize that your cat is, in fact, totally immortal.

It didn't really dawn on me that Guppy might be more than your average cat until the seventh time he got hit by a car. Instead of being flattened into a black furry slipper, he just kind of tumbled down the street, landed on on his paws, then hissed at the car and unsuccessfully slashed at its tires before chasing a squirrel up a tree.
I mean, seven times is normal. That’s only seven lives. What's really concerning is when you add onto that the three house fires he's been found totally alive and healthy in - all of which killed everyone else inside. No cat has ten lives.
I tried Googling "cat gods" because I remembered reading something in school about Egyptians worshiping cats and thought maybe they were onto something. After skimming the history of cat gods, I cornered Guppy in the bathroom and tried to pronounce as many of the names of the feline deities as I could to see if any would get a response out of him.
"Hecate?"
Nothing.
"Li Shou?"
He just licked his paw.
"Ovinnik?"
Guppy locked his piercing eyes with my admittedly more foggy ones. He lowered his body to the ground, opened his mouth, and barked at me like a dog. Startled, I opened the bathroom door and he scurried out.
I immediately hurried to my kitchen and got to work making a stack of pancakes while searching the web on my phone for where I might acquire a black rooster.
According to legend, Ovinnik likes pancakes and black roosters.
According to legend, if I upset Ovinnik, he'll burn my fucking house down with me in it.
I wonder how many bad drivers died in those other fires.

© 2018 by Ryan Matejka

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